Manipulation (Shadows) Page 13

  Jesse’s offered to throw the graduation party at his shop. It’s really nice of him considering he’s twenty-one. Guess it helps when you’re dating someone who just graduated. The neighborhood group is here. People I hang with when we’re not in school. I wonder where Addison is right now? She said her friend Deb was hosting their little bash. I wonder what they do? Addie and her friends?

  I lean against the wall enjoying the music that Jesse has playing—some local band with a lot of talent. My arms are crossed in front of me, and I’m just taking in the whole scene.

  “Dean.” Katy grabs me from behind. “You’re moping.”

  “I’m not moping. You’re drunk.”

  Katy pulls on me again but can’t move me when I’m leaning like this.

  She laughs. “Which means you’re behind.” She hands me a small bottle of Jack Daniels—not an airline sized one, but smaller than a fifth. “Happy graduation!” She skips off and throws herself onto Jesse’s back for him to give her a piggy-back ride around the store.

  I raise the bottle to examine it. Katy knows I don’t drink. Not anymore. Still, I guess it’s nice to have around, just in case.

  The music is throbbing. I now know maybe a third of the people here, and wish I was sitting on my bunk with Addie’s hand in mine. I have problems.

  NINETEEN

  Addison

  Why am I not having fun at Deb’s party? It’s the people I’ve been going to school with for years. Some of them since elementary. Shouldn’t I care more? Graduation is supposed to be this big deal, but now it’s not and I don’t understand why. I wonder how Dean’s party is going. I should have ditched this for his. It seems a little ridiculous at this point, close to midnight.

  “Hey.” Trent’s arms slide around my waist from behind.

  “Hey Trent.” I do my best to sound bored. The alcohol on his breath makes me nauseous.

  “We should hook up, just for tonight.” His fingertips creep into the top of my jeans.

  “Wow, no.” I grab his arms and pull them off of me. “I’ve got to be home by midnight anyway.” I turn to face him.

  “I can be fast.” He whispers as he leans forward.

  I laugh. I can be fast? “That’s so romantic.” I walk away. Ridiculous. Why am I here? I don’t need to be here. The idea of that is liberating. I don’t need to be here. I walk out Deb’s front door and take the elevator up the final three floors.

  Mom and Dad are murmuring in their room, best to leave them alone and head to mine. Once again I wish I’d have ditched my grad party for Dean’s. The problem is that I really want to find Dean’s brother, Jeremy, and have it be a secret. The only way to do that, probably, is to not see Dean. Kind of a sucky plan on that end.

  I ditch my party outfit in favor of my favorite black yoga pants and a tank.

  Now I’m on my couch staring at my phone. What are the odds of him being home? The problem is that it’s his house. Everyone will hear if I call. I really should have bought him a phone when I bought mine. But that sort of screams stalker or something.

  My phone rings and it shocks me so much I drop it on the couch.

  Dean.

  I laugh because it’s crazy how thrilled I am.

  “Hey you,” I answer.

  “I’m not interrupting, am I?”

  “I was sitting here holding my phone, wondering how much I cared about waking up the people in your apartment.”

  “Awesome.”

  “What are you doing home so early? And sounding so sober?” I tease.

  “I could ask you the same thing.”

  “Well…” I don’t know how to explain. “I realized that I didn’t want to be there, and I didn’t have to be, so I left. That, and, I’ve only gotten drunk a few times. It’s not an experience I wish to repeat. Not anytime soon, anyway.”

  He chuckles quietly. “Well, I’ve been drunk more than once, but I’m not very good at it, so I avoid it if at all possible. I do not handle liquor well.”

  “If at all possible? I would think that it’s always possible to avoid it.” I scoot myself onto my stomach and pull my feet up in the air. My hair falls down around me and almost touches the floor below.

  “Um… When a small amount passes through my lips, my body craves more and I turn into a dick. Is that enough of an explanation for you?”

  “I get that.” Kind of a big admission from him. “I’m just a stupid, stupid drunk, and I hate throwing up.”

  “Katy’s involved with her boyfriend, and I realized tonight that I probably won’t even try to keep in contact with anyone else.”

  I feel a twinge of jealousy over a girl I’ve never met. “You two are that close?”

  “Yeah, like I said, she kinda took over my little brother’s place, you know?”

  “Well.” I exhale. “I don’t know but…”

  “But you’ll have to trust me on that one.”

  “Yeah. I guess so.” So simply put and so true. Can I trust Dean? Once again, a simple phrase from him itches me in those places I don’t like to think about—too deep, too much thinking.

  But Dean and I keep talking until I drift off. We talk about his relationships and about how I ended up with Chase. I don’t know if we say goodbye first or not. It’s not important. What we talked about isn’t important either. It’s that, in our own way, we spend the night together, and it’s one of the best nights I remember.

  TWENTY

  Dean

  I realize when I pick up the phone that Addie might think I’m a super-stalker. We were on the phone all night last night and here it is, just after dinner-time, and I’m calling her again.

  “Hey, Dean,” she answers. I’m picturing her sitting in her loft, smiling as we talk.

  “I want to see you,” I say.

  “Me too.”

  “Where do you want to meet?” All I can think about is lacing our fingers together and talking in the way that only we can do.

  “I’m working on something first.”

  Is she brushing me off? “And I can’t see you in the meantime?”

  “It’s…complicated.”

  My chest tightens. “Should I be worried?” Will she answer me? How did this not come up last night?

  She laughs. “No. Don’t be worried. I just really want to surprise you, and I might not be able to if we see each other. Does that make sense?”

  “Because of my awesome mind powers?” I tease.

  “Yeah, Dean.” I swear I can feel her eyes rolling over the phone. “Because of your awesome mind powers.”

  “Guess that’s okay, but still, I’d like to see you.” I’ve crossed the line into sad puppy-dog pathetic. And I don’t care as much as I should.

  “Where are you?” she asks.

  “At home, no cell, remember?” I chuckle.

  “I know you’re at home, Dean.”

  “I’m lying on my bed with my knees up.” Where’s she going with this?

  “I’m lying on my couch on my stomach.”

  “So, is this where we tell one another what we’re wearing?” I’m teasing, but also curious.

  I her hear tinkling laugh. “I’m in whatever you want.”

  “Nice.” But when I close my eyes I’m picturing her smooth hair folding around her face, over her shoulders and off the side of her couch. She’s in black pants and a tank. She looks soft, and warm. And like I should be next to her.

  “Are you having fun with your imagination?” Her laugh is back.

  “It’s not like that.” But kind of is.

  She’s silent.

  Really, things between us will be better if I can just be honest, right? I mean, doing what we can do will take a little more trust that I think she’s ready for. “I really like you, Addie. It just seems like sort of a pathetic thing to say.”

  “It doesn’t sound pathetic at all. I’ll come find you in a day or two, okay?”

  “Miss you.” Does this officially make me a total wimp?

  “See you.” />
  And there’s nothing else to say, not right now. We both sit silent for a moment and then hang up.

  Wait a minute. I didn’t ask how she pictured me. That was a wasted opportunity.

  * * *

  “Deeee-eeen.” Katy’s voice.

  In my dream? Am I still asleep? I’m grouchy because after our conversation, Addie and I haven’t seen each other for days—just talked half the night every night.

  “Wake up! You’re taking me to breakfast.”

  I feel a tug on my arm.

  “Katy?”

  “No, the other girl who’s allowed in your room first thing in the morning.”

  “What?” My head is starting to register that I’m awake.

  “Wait. You haven’t slept with her yet, have you?”

  I groan and roll onto my stomach. My eyes open to see Katy peering over the railing on the bunk. “What?” I’m confused. Katy’s hair isn’t pink. It’s big chunks of black and blond. “Nice hair.”

  “Oh.” She steps down. “You like it?”

  Maybe I can read girls. One compliment and the screeching next to my face stopped. “No, I haven’t slept with her and yes, I like your hair.” I sit up in bed. “Get out of here to so I can get dressed.”

  She laughs. “Don’t take too long or I’ll come back in.”

  I give her a salute just before she closes my door. Ben must already be gone. What time is it?

  I throw my legs over the side of the bed and climb down. Having a bunk is sometimes cool and sometimes just makes me feel like a kid. I throw on the first T-shirt in my drawer and the jeans I wore yesterday. If Katy wants to wake me up, she can take me grungy.

  “To what do I owe this wakeup call?” I run my hands through my hair as I step into the living room. Even I have to admit it’s probably time for a cut.

  “You’re taking me to breakfast.” She folds her arms. “You know, to celebrate that we’re done with school?”

  “We’ve been out of school for three days.” And I haven’t seen Addie for any of them. I’d worry that she’s brushing me off, but we keep having these amazing phone conversations.

  “Come on, Dean.”

  “Coming.” I start to grab a jacket, but then remember it’s summer.

  “Thanks for coming with me.” Katy slides her arm through mine as we hit the sidewalk.

  “Wait, I had a choice? Does that mean I could still be in bed?” I pull against her like I might go back home.

  “Dean, it’s almost noon.” She elbows me.

  “Right.”

  “Let’s get a coffee and something too sweet for dessert.”

  “No such thing.” I chuckle.

  “Fine. Too sweet for breakfast?” I don’t have to look down at her to know her large eyes are aimed at me.

  “How about lunch?”

  “Oh, right.” She elbows me again. “Because you couldn’t get out of bed.”

  “Bill said I get a freebie summer so I know I should be looking for a job but—”

  “But you’re lazy.” She pulls open the door of Starbucks.

  “Exactly.”

  Katy orders for us, and I grab a table.

  She plops down across from me with a huge smile on her face.

  “Wanna tell me now, or later?” I take a sip. Americano. Good.

  “I stayed over at Jesse’s last night.” Her whole body is wiggling with excitement.

  Now what am I supposed to do? “How was it?”

  Her body relaxes into a little sigh. “Scary and intimidating, but he was sooo sweet and…”

  “I don’t want details, Katy.” I hold up my hand between us. “But I’m glad things are good for you.” I don’t know what else to say. Do girls celebrate over stuff like this? Get all crazy? I’m not sure.

  “Thanks.” She takes an enormous bite of a sweet roll. Guess girls load up on sugar.

  “Sorry, I’m probably not giving you what you’re looking for.” I suck down the last swallows of my coffee. It sorta sucks for her that she doesn’t have any girlfriends to go to for this kind of stuff. I think most girls aren’t sure what to do with Katy, and her parents are never home and pretty worthless when they are around.

  “You’re a good guy, Dean. It’s cool.” The cinnamon roll that looked like half the size of her head is gone in moments.

  I sit back and look out the window. It’s a busy day, like every day. And getting hot.

  “You seeing Addie today?”

  “I’m not sure.” I spin the empty cup around in my hands.

  “How long has it been?”

  “Don’t look worried like that, Katy. You’re a girl. It’s freaking me out.” Four and a half days. I sit up. My chair’s suddenly uncomfortable.

  “Let’s get out of here.”

  “Let’s.” I stand, dump my cup in the trash and hold open the door for her.

  “So, tell me again that you’re happy for me.” She stops two steps in front of me.

  “I am happy for you.” I lean down toward her.

  Katy kisses me on the cheek. “Now go get your girlfriend.”

  “I don’t think she wants—”

  “She’s across the street, Dean.” Katy whirls around and walks away. Probably heading to Jesse’s.

  Wait. Across the street? I catch the side of Addie’s face as she turns and begins to walk away. Shit, she probably saw me with Katy, not having any idea who she is.

  TWENTY-ONE

  Addison

  I now fall into the crazy-stalker category. I’m sitting across the street from Dean’s apartment building with his brother’s address in my hands. It’s taken Dean years to try to find his brother. But I know where he is, and I can’t wait to tell him. I’ve walked up and down the short street two or three times. No one answered his door.

  I’m glad I dressed simple today—T-shirt and jeans. I already feel like I stand out here. I realize quickly that there might be another door into his building or something. I can’t believe I didn’t think of that earlier. Maybe I’ll check Starbucks again.

  I see Dean’s dark hair and bright smile from across the street. He’s walking next to a girl. My gut twists. It shouldn’t. I mean, we’re not specifically dating or anything. It’s just that I thought…

  She leans forward and kisses him on the cheek, and he doesn’t move away. I’m an idiot. She’s tiny and cute and has funky hair that I could never get away with. She’s sort of my opposite—or really, everything I’m not. I’m such an idiot. I spin around and start to walk up the sidewalk. I just need around the corner but everything’s blurry.

  What was I thinking just showing up like this?

  “Addison!” Dean calls.

  I continue up the street.

  “Addison!” Louder this time.

  I keep walking.

  “Oh come on!” He knows I can hear him.

  I stop, rest my weight on one leg, and turn to face him. He got to me fast. I’d have to run to get away, and that seems a little childish.

  “I didn’t want to interrupt.” Oh. That came out bitchier than I mean for it to.

  “That was Katy. The one I told you about? She drug me out of… Well, she drug me out for coffee so she could tell me that she spent the night with her boyfriend.”

  “Is that the kind of thing you two normally talk about?” It seems so personal.

  “Not when I can escape it.” A corner of his mouth pulls up.

  His eyes. Now that I’m standing two feet from him, I can’t believe I stayed away for so long. I’m just still thrown off by how casual they are with each other. I’ve never had a guy friend who I was that comfortable with.

  “Are you jealous?” He’s trying not to smile.

  Completely. “No, it’s just…”

  “I told you already. She’s like my sister.”

  “Okay, whatever.” I do my best to keep my voice light, as if I don’t care at all. But relief floods through me anyway, and I know he can see it on my face because I swear since the fir
st day we met he just knows. He knows me. He knows it all. And it’s both freeing and terrifying all at the same time.

  I reach over and take his hand, immediately feeling the pull on my brain that he wanted me to take his hand, but I recognize it from him, which makes it okay. He’s not trying to make me do anything, just thinking the same thing I am. I think.

  “I found Jeremy,” I blurt.

  “What?” His eyes get wide.

  I’ve never seen anything like the look on his face. It’s relief and happiness and love. It’s worth it, even though I had to watch Katy, kiss him.

  “What… How…” His mouth opens like three times to say something. “You did this for me?”

  “Someone else did this for me.” I shrug. But I don’t feel like shrugging. I want to enjoy this moment with him.

  “Addie, you have no idea.” He snatches me into a hug.

  I melt. He’s warm and soft and kind and feels wonderful next to me, arms around my waist. We’re normally a bit conscious about touching but this moment is all his and all mine and is part of not only him and his brother, but something we’ve been working toward together.

  I never want to move.

  “Please say you’ll come with me.” He steps back, keeping our hands together.

  “Let go of me and ask me again.” What was that? And why don’t I trust him? I wanted to go before he asked. Maybe the whole Chase betrayal thing threw me more than I want to admit. Dean’s pulled a few little pranks, but this is important, he wouldn’t manipulate me over this, would he?

  “Oh come on.” His head tilts to the side. “Are we still there? Really?”

  “I don’t know.” But the unease is creeping in again. Am I feeling what I really feel, or what Dean wants me to feel? What’s wrong with me?

  He lets go of my hands. “Addison Prince, will you please come with me. There’s someone special I want you to meet—the only member of my family I have. Please come.” Sincerity fills every word, and as he leans closer I can smell the sweetness of whatever he just ate.