Night Sky Read online

  “I have snacks. No drinks. My Dad is a recovering alcoholic and he sees enough at work, so we don’t keep any in the house.” Will she think that’s weird?

  “Well, I don’t drink either, so a Pepsi would be great.” How old is she? And is she inviting herself to my house? And why am I worried about this?

  “I have Pepsi.”

  “Then yes, I’d love to come swimming with you…” She pauses narrowing her eyes. “What’s your name? I can’t believe I didn’t even ask.”

  “Jameson.”

  She laughs again, showing me a big smile of white teeth. “So, like, do people call you James, for short?”

  “Nope, just Jay.” I’m still in shock that I’m about to take this girl back to my house for a swim.

  “Well, just Jay, I’m Sky.” I realize that her voice is quiet, smooth, even though it’s filled with tease.

  “Sky? Really?” I must sound like a prick.

  “My mom is…into her native roots. So yeah, Sky.”

  “I kinda like it. Did you grow up on a reservation and everything?” Did that save me?

  “I’m half Tlingit, from Alaska. We have corporations, not reservations.”

  “Oh.” I’m lost and feel like an idiot.

  “But I grew up in a small village. Does that make you feel better?” She punches me softly on the shoulder.

  “Definitely.” I look her straight in the eye. I don’t know if it makes me feel better or not. I feel like she’s one step ahead of me as I try to keep up.

  “Are you gonna drive me to your house, offer me a Pepsi and get me into your pool?” Again, her voice is still full of tease.

  This is crazy. I think we’re totally flirting, and I’m keeping up…or I will be soon.

  I laugh, filled with nerves and excitement as I hit the gas. Maybe my night won’t be so bad after all.

  ***

  I step out of the house in my swim shorts, with a Pepsi in each hand and towels under my arm.

  “Thanks.” She’s checking me out. “So…” She gestures with her hand from my head to my feet. “You look totally comfortable in front of a stranger, almost completely naked.”

  “I’m on the swim team.” And I’m not totally comfortable; I’m just used to being uncomfortable.

  “At your high school, huh?” She lets out a sigh.

  “I’m a senior.” Will she just take off? Will she think I’m too young?

  “Hmm…” She pops her Pepsi, and takes a few sips.

  I’m not sure what to do with myself. This whole situation feels a little unreal. The backyard is still the same. Large stone patio, scattered lawn furniture, long in-ground pool for laps…and then there’s Sky.

  “Well, let’s swim.” She stands up, slides her denim skirt off and two of what now looks like three tank tops. Her hair is past her shoulder blades…and she’s standing in my backyard in panties and a barely-there shirt. She walks in light, almost gliding steps and jumps into the water without hesitation.

  And because I’m a bit of a show-off, I wait until her head emerges before doing a leaping dive. The warm water hits my skin and immediately dissolves some of the surface tension.

  “Nice. You put me to shame.” She laughs as I come up for air.

  “Do you have a pool?” I ask, trying not to dwell on the compliment.

  She stretches on her back, floating, looking up.

  “Funny story, actually.” She continues to stare at the sky. “My grandparents do have a pool, but they don’t want to pay for the water or to maintain it so…”

  “So you have a pool in the backyard that’s sitting empty?”

  “Pretty much.” She stands up while staying low in the water.

  “That sucks.”

  “You said it.”

  And now I want to ask her if she wants to come swimming again. But I chicken out.

  “So, are we going to get together again?” A corner of her mouth pulls up. “Or, have I scared you away forever?”

  “You haven’t scared me away.” Standing in my pool, in my backyard with a girl who looks like…I don’t know what…but she’s gorgeous, and she’s wearing barely anything. It’s kind of erotic or something. Exciting. Different.

  “Here’s all I need from you, Jay.” She moves closer to me in the pool…wearing next to nothing.

  My heart sprints. “What’s that?” Does my voice sound normal? This night feels anything but normal.

  “Be honest…all the time…no matter what.” There’s a sudden softness to her that I want to see more of.

  I want to say yes, but I know better. How many years have I been in love with Sarah and never said anything?

  “Oh man.” She lets out a sigh. “You can’t do it. That really sucks because I like you, Jameson.” She starts to swim away.

  “I like you, too.” It just comes out. She’s so relaxed. She’s going to tease me no matter what. I might as well tell the truth.

  “Nice. Maybe we can be friends.” She turns in the water to face me. I wish I could read her better. She still has that teasing look in her eyes, but her face seems totally relaxed.

  “Friends.” It comes out flat. Did I just say that?

  “What’s wrong with friends?” She laughs.

  “I…”

  “Truth,” she demands, pointing.

  “I’ve been in love with my best friend since tenth grade and like a moron I helped her to get the guy she wanted and…”

  Her face falls. “And it worked.”

  “It worked.” And it punches into me again, just saying it out loud.

  “Sucks.”

  “Yep.”

  She swims to the side of the pool and climbs out. I stand here kind of wishing she’d left on the white tank instead of the black one. Why is it different that she’s in panties instead of a bathing suit? One doesn’t cover more than the other.

  “Thanks for the swim.” She sits on the edge of a long lawn chair, still in her panties, with her elbows on her knees. “It’s freezing out here.” She pulls a towel over her shoulders.

  It’s March and still cold for swimming, but Mom and I use the pool year round. I slide easily out of the pool and sit on the chair across from her.

  “So, this girl.” Her hands are on her shoulders, holding the towel tightly.

  “Sarah.” Someone I don’t want to talk about right now.

  “This, Sarah. You’ve known her a while?” We’re facing one another. Our faces are a little too close for normal conversation and for two people who just met. Her warm breath hits my face. I love it.

  “We’ve been close for a few years.”

  “But now she’s with someone else.”

  “Yep.” The stupid picture of her and Eric dancing hits me again. I wince at the memory.

  “When did that happen?”

  “What time is it?” I ask.

  “Shit… sorry.” She leans forward in the lawn chair. Still in her panties and tiny top. And I really should stop thinking about that. “This is going to be a pity kiss, but I promise that if we kiss again, it won’t be.”

  Is she kidding? I’m not sure what to say, but I don’t have to say anything. Her lips are soft and warmer than mine. She opens her mouth. She tastes like cherry Pepsi and I put my hand behind her head to keep her close. Her kiss hits every part of my body, sending unexpected shocks waves through me.

  “Okay.” She pulls away. “You are way too good at this to be…how old are you?”

  “Eighteen, next week.”

  She laughs.

  Am I allowed to ask her age? Probably not…but she’s older than me. I know this much. Now I just need to play it cool. “So, the next kiss won’t be a pity kiss?”

  “Nope.” She stands up. “And it’s not going to happen tonight, either. Turn around, I’m going to put my dry top on.”

  “You’re just going to strip? Right here?” Okay, I cannot let that thought hit too hard. And next kiss? I really want to feel her mouth on mine again.

  “
As soon as you turn around.” She twirls her finger between us signaling me to move.

  I do as asked. I hear the slap of her wet shirt as it hits the side of the pool and it takes every ounce of my self-control not to turn around. Instead I imagine it. I imagine her bare browned back, and small black panties.

  “Okay.”

  I turn around. Her skirt is back on and her wet tanks are in her hand.

  “I’m dry, but I’m still freezing.” She chuckles as she rubs her arms.

  “Just a sec.” I jog into the house and grab a hoodie for each of us.

  “Here.” I hand over a sweatshirt.

  “Very decent of you.” She smiles and slides it over her head. It’s huge on her, but she looks squeezable in all the extra fabric. And there’s something about her wearing my shirt that makes me feel…warm…helpful. I don’t know what it is, but the feeling’s good.

  I shiver once with goose bumps and slide the other sweatshirt over my head.

  “You’re gonna walk me home, right?” How does she look fluid, even while standing still?

  I slide on my flip-flops. “Yep.”

  “I’m glad I ran into you.” She walks to the gate at the side of the house with these gliding movements that make me want to sit and watch.

  “Me, too.”

  “Maybe it’ll happen again.”

  “It’ll happen again.” I’ll make sure it does.

  “See? Look at all this honesty. It’s practically pouring out of you,” she says looking over her shoulder.

  “Practically.” I reach out and take her hand. Then stare at the cement sidewalk like it’s no big deal.

  “I’m only letting you get away with this because of your friend.” But her hand squeezes mine.

  “I’m okay with that.” It’s like her being so forward, makes it okay for me to be the same way. I should be this way with Sarah, but I’m not, and I have no idea why that is.

  Sky laughs.

  Maybe honesty really does work. We stop at the end of her driveway.

  “Thanks, Jay.”

  “Thanks, Sky.” Do I dare? “How about my non-pity kiss?”

  She laughs. “Nice try. That one you have to earn.”

  And earn it I will. But as soon as she goes inside, the little bubble of happiness surrounding her disappears, and my chest feels heavy again. I turn for home. What’s going to change between Sarah and I? Is she going to be dating Eric the Monday after spring break? Will I even see her over spring break? Will she call me tomorrow and give me details about her night with Eric that I don’t want to hear?

  I’m not sure. I’m only sure that it sucks to ask myself these questions.

  THREE

  Why won’t anyone stop the buzzing? That horrible…vibrating…

  It’s my damn phone.

  I roll over in bed and reach for the table. One word lights up the screen.

  SARAH.

  Am I ready for this? No, and I probably never will be.

  “Hey,” I answer.

  “You sound terrible.” She laughs. “You know it’s like one in the afternoon, right?” I love her voice, all childish sweetness, mixed with something older, something indefinable.

  “No, I was sleeping, Sarah.”

  “Your family, I swear. My dad still has his ‘up by nine o’clock, no matter what’ rule.”

  I can picture her perfectly. Her small round face is pulled into the annoyed scowl that makes me want to smooth out her forehead with my fingertips. Her lower lip is probably pushed out in a bit of a pout and her freckly cheeks still hold the hint of a smile.

  “Yeah, how could I forget?”

  I’m wide-awake now and wish I wasn’t. My chest still feels hollowed out and raw, and talking to Sarah isn’t helping.

  “Wow, you’re talkative this morning.”

  “That’s what happens when you wake me up.” I know she wants me to ask about her night, but I can’t do it.

  “Aren’t you gonna ask me about my night?” The edge of excitement is there—the edge that makes me nauseous.

  “Why don’t you just tell me?” I let the words out with a sigh.

  “Geez, you’re a ray of sunshine this morning.”

  I bet she’s pulling down the corners of her mouth while trying to make her eyebrows look mean—when all it does is make her look even cuter.

  I’m being a jerk. No matter what happened, I can’t stop being her friend.

  “Sorry, Sarah. Tell me everything.” I just hope it doesn’t kill me.

  “It’s official!” She squeals and I pull the phone away from my ear. It doesn’t help. Her squeal sears another jagged wound into my chest. “We kissed and then we stayed up all night talking. He drove me home…and he was so nice,” she says breathing out the happiest little sigh.

  I press my fingers against my eyes. Believe it or not—it actually does hurt worse than last night.

  “Well…” She’s waiting for my response.

  Right. This is where I’m supposed to say something really sweet and supportive. “That’s…great.”

  “You’re supposed to be more excited for me, Jamesy.” Her voice has a teasing edge, but she sounds hurt. She’s called me Jamesy since I can remember. But right now, I think I both love and hate the nickname she has for me. I love it, because it’s so Sarah—a little juvenile and silly—and now I’ll probably hate it for the same reason.

  “If you’re happy…I’m happy, Sarah.” Is that true? I guess…part of it is.

  “Aw, don’t worry, Jamesy, we’ll still hang out.”

  She thinks I’m worried because we won’t hang out anymore.

  How many times did I have the opportunity to tell her that I liked her?

  Too many to count…

  How often were we alone together?

  All the time…

  I mean, we have other friends, but we don’t spend that much time with them because we have each other.

  Had each other…

  And now I’m screwed because she’s with someone else, and thinks I’m bummed because I might lose her as a “friend.”

  “Of course we will.” I try to laugh, but end up coughing instead.

  “Okay.” She giggles. “This is going nowhere…you obviously need more sleep.”

  “Yeah.” That’s just what I need…more sleep. More sleep will fix everything.

  I hang up and hurl my phone across the room. It hits the wall with a satisfying thump before falling to the floor. I lie on my back and pull my knees up, resting my feet on the bed. I suck in a breath to hold in my tears. How much of a girl am I?

  “Jameson?” Mom knocks softly on my door.

  “Yeah?” My chest is so tight—I’m not sure how I manage to talk.

  She sits on the side of the bed putting a hand on my knee. I don’t know if her sympathy makes me feel better or worse.

  “Waffles? Swim?”

  “They’d get soggy, Mom.”

  She laughs. I laugh a little too. I swear that when my body tries to laugh, all it does is shake out more tears.

  “Take a deep breath.” Mom’s voice is a whisper.

  “I can’t, not yet.” I flatten my hands and wipe the tears away with my palms.

  “It might take a while.” Her hand squeezes my knee in a depressingly sympathetic gesture.

  But it’s actually the most comforting thing I’ve heard yet, so I answer, “Swim.”

  “I’ll see you in five.”

  “No, three,” I mutter.

  Mom walks out and I let my hands fall from my face. Swim…I can do this. I roll out of bed, throw on a pair of shorts, and step outside.

  When we moved into this house, Mom and Dad made sure that both our bedrooms opened onto the backyard. This means I only have to take about twenty steps from my bed to the pool.

  “I win,” Mom says, standing at the edge.

  I make a dash, but we hit the surface at about the same time. I can feel the line of water slide across my skin as I jump in. It’s been years si
nce Mom’s been able to keep up with me. We swim together anyway. Back and forth we go. No need to speak, no need for anything. It’s just the pull of my arms, the push of my feet, and the coolness that flows over my body as I move. The hole in my heart is still there, digging at the inside of my chest, but the edges are less jagged. The water’s smoothing them out—just like it does with everything.

  After a few laps, I realize that I’m alone in the water. I check the edges of the pool and see Mom’s feet below the surface. I swim straight to her and stand up.

  “I’m starving,” she says with a smile.

  “Me, too.”

  “Good.” She stands up and heads for the house.

  I sit on the edge of the pool for a few more moments. My night with Sky flashes through my mind—her raw honesty, her dark hair…and yes, her small black panties. I have to see this girl again. My stomach rumbles and I smile. Smile. As impossible as that felt this morning, it feels good now.

  It’s not like Sarah died.

  No, she’s just dating someone who can’t understand a tenth of her worth.

  But it’s what she wants.

  Maybe she doesn’t know what she wants.

  And how am I supposed to tell her how I feel?

  Stop having imaginary conversations in your head, Jameson. Sooner or later you’ll be having them out loud.

  “Breakfast!” Mom calls out the back door.

  I almost laugh because it’s probably somewhere between two and three in the afternoon.

  ***

  Spring break passes like this:

  Wake up around noon or one, or two…then swim. Lay in the sun that’s almost hot enough to really love lying in. Hang out downtown. Fend off attacks from Kim, even though they make me feel good.

  Visit Mike, who takes care of the dolphins at the Mirage, but only after the exhibit is closed. I like having them to myself.

  Drive by Sky’s grandparents’ house more than I should.

  I miss Sarah. I want Sarah to call.

  Sarah calls. I wish Sarah hadn’t called.

  My eighteenth birthday consists of the swim team coming over to my house and trashing my backyard. Sarah couldn’t come, Sky isn’t here and I’m okay with this; it’s just people who like to swim.