Insight Page 20

  TWENTY-EIGHT

  “I want to help you, but you have to tell me everything you see. Can you do that?” Landon shifts down around a corner, making the tires squeal.

  “I’m on the pavement, crying, sobbing. There are bits of something broken around me. There’s something wet on the pavement. It looks like water—shiny and reflecting the sun so I can’t tell if it has a color or not. I mean, it looked white, but now I’m not sure because I didn’t realize it was reflecting. You’re there watching. The pain is filled with guilt. It’s bad Landon. Whatever it is. It’s bad.” I’m not even trying to control my tears right now. It’s not worth the fight.

  “If I hurt it’s because I want to protect you. You have to know that.” He reaches his hand toward me, but changes his mind. I’m thankful. I’m not ready to feel that again.

  I’m afraid to believe him. Everything’s muddled right now.

  “Wait. Reflecting the sun?”

  “Yeah.” I stare at the dash, looking for details. I close my eyes, hoping the darkness will help me see something important, something that will help.

  “Well, it’s dark out now. It gives us some time. Well, I guess we have no idea on timing, except that we know it hasn’t happened yet.”

  Landon sounds almost as frustrated about timing as I feel. But he’s right. We have time.

  The words come out in a rush of air. “Thank you.” Time. Every moment is suddenly precious. I feel a chill run through my body. We have to do this. We have to change this.

  “Can you promise to never do that to me again?” He takes his hands off the steering wheel one at a time, stretching his fingers, and then rolls his shoulders up and down, trying to relax.

  “Probably not.” I’m crazy. I can’t control any of what I see. He has to know this about me. “And I don’t know if I can actually change things, Landon.”

  “But you can. You told me about Carol. You and your dad, you changed things.”

  “Not everything.” I shake my head. “She still had a heart attack.”

  “But it didn’t kill her.”

  “We don’t even know if she died in the first vision.” Landon needs to understand that it all feels so slippery. “Maybe we changed nothing.”

  I’ve never told him about Cameron and the night by the creek. The idea that I did change that night only helps a little. Right now it just means a bigger failure if I’m not able to stop whatever has me sobbing on the pavement.

  “I need to touch Mom,” I say.

  We sit in silence for a few moments.

  “What if...” His hands grip the steering wheel, once again whitening his knuckles.

  “What?” I can’t think of how it could be worse.

  “What if, when you touch her, you have to watch her die or be hurt?” His hazel eyes are filled with the pain I now feel.

  I clutch my stomach with both hands. He rolls my window down. I can’t do it. How will I be able to force myself to touch my mom? How will I hide my reaction when I do? I’m terrified—it rushes through me in pounding waves.

  ***

  We’re at my house both too soon and not soon enough. Mom’s van is here, and Ethan’s truck is not. She’s alone. I slide out from underneath Landon’s arm, but keep his hand firmly in mine. This is going to be even harder because Mom and I haven’t even come to a real truce yet over the whole boating thing.

  “You ready?” He stops on the front step.

  “No.” I shake my head as I grab the doorknob.

  We step through the door.

  “Micah?”

  “Yep.” My heart’s hammering. How am I going to be able to do this?

  “You’re back early.”

  “We just came so Micah can change,” Landon says.

  Good one. I walk slowly into the living room. So calm, and normal. Landon’s hand is still in mine. I don’t even touch Mom, but it all hits me anyway.

  She gasps. Jerks the wheel of the van. Panic. A big white truck. Broken glass. Everything’s black.

  I fall back against Landon. It hits me again. The same thing. This has never happened before. I feel like I’m broken. It hits me again. I suck in a breath as my body feels like it’s falling apart.

  Mom’s staring.

  “I need to change.” I don’t know how my voice sounds, but it doesn’t sound like me. I don’t let go of Landon. I drag him toward my room.

  “Micah?” Mom sits up taller on the couch.

  “Be back in a sec.” I don’t know how I do it, but my voice sounds almost normal.

  “Okay.” I hear her behind me. The picture from her hits me again.

  Panic. Jerk the wheel of the van. Large white truck. More panic. Broken glass. Car folding. Blackness.

  I collapse and sit on the edge of the bed. Hot tears slide down my cheeks in a steady stream. The vision stops.

  Landon kneels in front of me, keeping our hands firmly together. “What is it?” His voice is so quiet it’s barely a whisper. He’s touching my face, my hair, stroking my arms. Like he sees how my insides are collapsing, and wants to help.

  “I didn’t touch her.” Everything’s shaking. “That’s never happened before. I didn’t even touch her.” Now I’m sure I’m broken. I have panic over keeping my gift, and panic over losing it, and panic over it being so different.

  “And you saw something?” His head tilts slightly as he watches me.

  I nod. “Mom.” I bring a hand to my mouth. “In her car.” Tears spill over again.

  “Okay, let’s keep her out of her car.” He keeps one hand clutched to mine and uses the other to wipe the tears from my face.

  “Forever?” Doesn’t he see how impossible this is? “I need to call Dad.” I can’t believe I didn’t think of this first.

  I pull my phone out of my bag and scroll to his number before hitting send. Landon’s hand moves to my leg, but he doesn’t let me go. He wipes my tears again. It rings and rings until voicemail picks up.

  “Dad, I need you to call me. It’s Mom. I saw something. I need your help. I don’t care what time it is. Call me.” I hit end and send a text with the same message.

  “Want to try again?” Landon asks.

  “Not right now. It’s like three in the morning. He won’t call back until he wakes up.” My voice shakes. My hands shake.

  “I know this is hard, but details? Can you give me anything to help out?”

  I don’t want to think about details. I want to mourn and be frustrated.

  “Micah?”

  Crap. He’s right. We need anything I can see. I close my eyes. His warm hands slide slowly up and down my arms. We have time. It’s okay. I need to relax. His warmth continues to seep into me, helping my shoulders let go of some tension. “She sees a large white truck.”

  “What kind of truck? Like a pickup? A semi?” He keeps his voice just above a whisper.

  “Something in between. Not a truck. Not a semi.” Landon’s touch calms me further.

  “Okay, that’s helpful. Can you tell what’s around her?”

  “No buildings. I saw some grass. A fence.” I stretch my brain to look for any and every detail I can see.

  “What, is she at a farm or something?”

  A wash of relief through me. “Milk pickup.” I open my eyes. Our noses are inches apart. I want to cry and kiss him at the look of love and concern in his eyes.

  “What?”

  “It makes perfect sense. Milk pickup. She does it some Sundays. There are a few people who trade out driving for fresh milk from the dairy in that town I can’t pronounce.”

  “Puyallup?” A corner of his mouth pulls up.

  “Yes. That’s the one.” I can feel a smile. How did I go from panic, to this? Will there ever be a way to tell Landon what he does for me?

  “Well, why don’t we do it for her?”

  “But—” I shake my head.

  “Right.” He purses his lips together. “Then it’ll be us.”

  “Maybe. Or maybe not. I don’t know.”
I feel so helpless. Like I know just enough to torture me, but not enough to fix it. “It might be next month.”

  “Let’s roll under the assumption that it’s going to happen now. Tomorrow. We’ll both feel better if we’re moving forward, right?”

  I nod. It will feel better, even though we have no idea on timing.

  “Ready to go back out there?” His thumb makes one more pass on each of my cheeks.

  I look down. “I need to change first. And I can’t believe Mom let you in here when that’s what I said I was doing…”

  “Well I think it’s awesome.” Landon’s face breaks out in to a smile.

  I hadn’t thought of what it would be like to get dressed while he’s in my room. “Landon, I…” How do I tell him I’m a mess and can’t do this?

  “I’ll turn around.”

  “Can you unzip me first?” No way will I be able to reach the top of the zipper to get out of this dress.

  He chuckles. “Are you really going to test me like this?”

  My chest sinks. Now I just feel guilty and like I’m being a prude or something. It’s such a normal thing, that I’m actually almost grateful for the awkwardness—it’s distracting me from Mom. “Please?”

  Our eyes lock and his hands slowly reach around to my back. It’s like we should kiss, but we shouldn’t, because we’re in the middle of trying to save a life. But as his fingers pull the zipper down on my dress, I’m also in the most sexual moment of my life. It makes it impossible to pull in a real breath. His fingers slide down the bare skin of my back sending shivers through my body and leaving a knot in my stomach.

  “There you go.” He coughs once, drops his hands, and turns around.

  We’ve broken contact. It’s like another hit to the chest.

  I slide my dress down, very aware that Landon is less than four feet from where I stand. A glance over my shoulder shows him sitting facing the opposite direction. I fumble with the tank as I pull it off my dresser and quickly slide it on. “I’m decent.”

  He spins back around.

  “Uh…decent isn’t the word I’d use. You’re gorgeous.” His eyes travel the length of my body as I reach for my jeans.

  I let my eyes meet his, not feeling as exposed as I thought I would. My vision of us together, together might happen sooner than I think. “You can’t touch me.”

  “Not right now I can’t. Maybe you’ll let me wrap my arms around you—in a little while.” His eyes still haven’t made it back to my face.

  “Definitely.” It feels like I’m leaning on him way too much. Maybe it’s just nice to have somewhere to lean. I’ve been doing this on my own for way too long.

  I stand up and breathe out. My legs still feel shaky, but at least it seems like we’re working toward some sort of a solution.

  “This I could get used to.” He doesn’t touch me, but his finger points to the strip of skin between the bottom of my tank and the top of my jeans.

  “I need my hoodie if I’m not going to bother with a bra.”

  “In that case, I’m all for the hoodie.” He smirks.

  It’s ridiculous how easy he is to sidetrack. Right now I’d love that talent. “Aren’t you worried?”

  “About the bra situation?” He chuckles, now sitting on his hands as a show that he’ll keep them to himself. But his grin is wide. It’s so Landon. Probably pretending that I didn’t just have a breakdown in his car, and staring at one tiny strip of exposed skin.

  “About this catastrophe we’re trying to avoid?” There’s an actual smile on my face. Like he’s made this all seem doable, possible. Things will be okay.

  “We can fix this, Micah. Just by figuring it out, I think we’ve fixed it.”

  A chill runs through me. I wish I was ready to touch him again because I want his warmth.

  “I can’t believe you’re choosing to be a part of this.” This horrible thing I do.

  “I’m choosing to be a part of you.”

  His eyes turn me inside out in a way that half melts me, and if I didn’t know the emotions I’d be hit with, I’d probably jump onto his lap right now. It’s frustrating, not just being with him and enjoying him without all the extra stuff I carry with me.

  “You know this would be so much easier if you told her the truth. Everything.” That comment brings me straight back to the present.

  He’s right, of course. “I can’t do it, Landon. I’ve waited too long.”

  “But can you imagine never telling your mom about his huge part of your life? And the longer you wait—”

  “I’ve thought of this, and I don’t have the energy for the conversation right now.” Dread fills me every time I think about telling my mom. She’s going to be so hurt, and feel so left out.

  He nods. “Tell her you want to hang out in the morning. I’ll see what I can do about stopping that truck, or having it come at a later time, okay?”

  “How will you do that?”

  “I’m guessing the truck is a milk truck. I know they come and go from that place. My mom did the milk thing forever, or well, had someone else do it. I’ll ask them when it’s scheduled, and it’ll give us something to go on. I’m going to detach your mom’s battery. It’ll keep her from going anywhere. Let me step outside and deal with that, you go talk to your mom. I’ll meet you at my house in a few minutes.” Landon looks comfortable, confident.

  Again, Landon and his attitude makes me feel like this will all be okay. I take a deep breath. “Ready.”

  He opens my bedroom door, and I cringe waiting for the picture from Mom, but it doesn’t come. I’d rather have some control than be bombarded like I was when we walked in earlier. It’s freaking me out a bit that I saw pictures without touching.

  She raises an eyebrow at us as we walk out of my room.

  “I didn’t touch her, I swear.” Landon laughs a little and winks at me.

  “Right.” Mom doesn’t buy it, I can tell by the look on her face. Fortunately, she’s not frowning.

  This is amazing on several levels. First, she’s not thrilled about the whole sailing thing, and second, I did actually just change clothes with a boy in my room. I’m still shocked she let him follow me in.

  “I need to make sure I get everyone’s keys, and go change. Party’s always at my house. I’ll meet you in a few, 'kay?” He gives me a final encouraging smile and walks out.

  I shiver and it hits every part of my body—like a block of ice passes through me. I don’t realize how much of a support Landon is until he’s gone.

  “What do you want to talk about?” Mom asks. “Now that you’ve come out of your room in different clothes?”

  At least there’s no question as to what she wants to talk about.

  “Umm.” There’s suddenly no words waiting to come out. I rub my hands on my arms. I’m cold again. Maybe its just nerves.

  “I’m assuming you want to talk about something or Landon would still be around, is that right?”

  “You have milk pickup tomorrow?” I ask.

  “Yeah, why?”

  “Do you think you could skip it?” Landon and I will work out the details, but I have to feel like Mom’s safe now.

  “What’s up?” Her head cocks to the side.

  “I want to talk to you about something.” I bite my lower lip.

  “You’re not pregnant, are you?” She’s upright immediately.

  I laugh. “No, Mom. Not pregnant. We’re not having sex. I told you this.”

  “Whew.” She puts her hand to her chest. “Is this about the boating thing?” Disapproval seeps into her voice.

  “I’d like some time, Mom. You’ve been with Ethan. I’ve been with Landon. It’s hard. I’m about to graduate. I want to spend some time with you.” I don’t even realize how true it is until I’ve said it.

  “Sure, I can skip. I’m sure I can find someone else.” She nods. “If you don’t mind Landon sitting in your room while you change clothes, we need to talk anyway.”

  “He turned around,”
I argue, but know Mom will give me the lecture anyway.

  She stares like I knew she would—like it wouldn’t matter if he had a blindfold on.

  “Okay.” I let out a breath, hoping that I’m not just sending another person to Mom’s fate. “I’m not interrupting something with you and Ethan, am I?”

  “He’ll understand. We’re together a lot.”

  “Thanks.” I lean forward. I’m scared to give her a hug, but I need to see if anything’s changed. I brace myself for something, but I see me. My face, in my prom dress from when Landon and I left earlier in the night. I squeeze her harder, desperately holding back tears. We did it. It was so easy. All that chaos, all that stress. I threw up in front of Landon for no reason.

  “Micah.” Mom pulls away. “Are you okay?”

  There’s no hiding my teary face from Mom. “I can’t believe I’m about to graduate, that’s all. It just kind of snuck up on me, you know?” I also can’t believe what a quick thinker I am for getting that out.

  “Me too.” Her eyes turn glassy as she looks at me. “Now, go enjoy your party.”

  “Thanks, Mom.” I start toward the door. All I want now is to put my arms around Landon. I grab my hoodie that’s hanging by the door, and step into the night air.

  TWENTY-NINE

  I need to get back to Landon. I felt it when he left. Is it always like this? Maybe only when you’re falling in love.

  Movement from the corner of my eye turns my stomach, until I realize I recognize the person. “Mr. Michaels?”

  And then I wonder if I should be more afraid of him or the shadows I think I see.

  “Oh. Hi. Yes. Micah. How are you?” He steps from the trees onto the driveway.

  I glance around him, suddenly wary. “I’m fine. Heading to your house, actually.”

  “Yes, the yearly party. I’m leaving town tonight—thank goodness. And hopefully my wife will have the sense to make sure everyone stays the night.” He sighs as he keeps pace with me.

  I’m shocked that he’s letting this happen after forcing Landon to leave Lacey at the party.

  “Did you have fun?” he asks.